Most perpetrators of domestic abuse in families hide under the toga of ill-health, unemployment, stress, and alcohol to will lordship authority over the weak ones such as the women and the children. This ill goes on unabated because of the society's shoddy approach towards it and the get-along attitude of the victims because of fear of the unknown. The attempts of some government and private agencies to curb it have not yielded the desired results judging by its daily increase either because of inadequate commitment or wrong approach.
Domestic violence in families is a behavioral problem emanating from the inordinate wish for power and control over the vulnerable group by its abusers. It has nothing to do with race, color, or gender. It is abuse of power by those who are ignorant of the purpose of the power bestowed upon them.
Since domestic violence is a behavioral problem it can best be corrected by changing the perception of the person through re-orientation and education. Men are the primary culprits of abuse in the family. Therefore, we will address men specifically in this wise. Others can also learn from it. I will like to introduce us to God, the custodian of POWER. He says, ''Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loves the church and gave himself for it. That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the Word. That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle or any such thing: but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves his himself.'' (Ephesians 5:26 - 28. )
It is clear from the above scriptures that God commands husbands to love their wives whether they are submissive or not. Husbands are to recognize that the power given them as heads of their families is to protect, promote, and provide for their families and not to abuse them. All that your wife desires in her marriage is security offered by her husband- provision of food, shelter, clothing, sex, etc, protection against assault from outsider and a husband who will showcase her as his jewel.
Husbands should always remember that absolute power belongs only to God Almighty. Always remember Nebuchadnezzar who tried to arrogate and abuse power how he was debased while Jesus Christ who used his for the right purpose how he was exalted and given a name above all names.
The seven tips below will help you control this power so that it does not control and misdirect you into abuse.
- See your wife, not as inferior, but as a capable partner. (Gen. 1:31. ) She is a help meet and not a house maid.
- Love her as your own body. (Ephesians 5: 28 -29. ) Nobody hates his own body. Ignore her errors and keep and sustain that first love you had for her. Work at earning self-respect by self - control. ( Proverbs 16: 36. ) Stop demanding it.
- Consciously develop hatred for violent behavior. (Psalms 11: 5. )It is acidic to progress in your family. No sane mind wants to drink acid no matter how well package it might look.
- Think about the adverse consequences of your action before undertaking it, What about if she dies what happens to you? If you divorce her what happens to the future of your kids?
- Cultivate the habit of self-restraint. (Proverbs 29: 11. )Be mature enough to walk away if you can no longer tolerate the actions. (Proverbs 17: 14. )
- Avoid use of abusive words on your wife. (Ephesians 4:29- 31. )Don't tell her what you won't tolerate from her. Observe and emulate blissful families to learn the joy in it. Read my article on effective communication in marriage for more information.
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