(In this article, I am using the term mother-- however; it can be
equally exchanged to refer to the primary female caretaker in your
family.)
Have you ever wondered to yourself, "why do women hate each other?"
Teenage girls ask the question why do girls hate me?
Women
who hate other women at the deepest level of their subconscious have
unresolved conflicts with their mothers, grandmothers, aunts, or female
caretakers who abandoned, abused, or neglected them emotionally,
psychologically, and/or physically. Little girls raised by emotionally
unstable mother figures never learn how to love and/or trust other
women. However, please remember that it is challenging and difficult for
a mother to raise her daughter to love and respect; women if she has
not learned this lesson herself.
Society put so much pressure on
mothers to be perfect, unlike fathers. There are saying such as, "As
precious as a mother's love" or "The child has a face that only a mother
could love." People tell "Your Mama" jokes because the expectations for
fathers are so low that there is nothing funny or hurtful that anyone
could say about fathers that would cause an emotional response. When
athletes accomplish an amazing fete or entertainers accept awards, they
acknowledge their mothers. Mothers receive all the glory and blame for
how their children's lives ultimately turn out.
Society put women
on an unrealistic pedestal that cause women to strive for an illusion of
perfection that is humanly impossible. And when this hefty emotional
and social goal is not met, we learn to hate and blame other women - and
subconsciously ourselves.
It is very common to hear women say, "I
don't trust women!" "Females are fake." Women declare that other women
are treacherous, two-faced, backstabbers, who sleep with other women's
boyfriends and husbands. Women brag about hating other women and not
having females as best friends because women are competitive, devious,
and jealous-hearted. What women do not realize is that all women are
connected to the collective consciousness of feminine energy... and
therefore-deep down inside they have the same negative thoughts about
themselves.
10 Primary Reasons Women Hate Other Women:
1. Mothers in Abusive Relationships
Girls
raised in homes with psychologically unstable mothers who attract
abusive relationships with men tend to have a difficult time
establishing healthy relationships with men and women. The mother is
indirectly teaching her daughter that she is worthless and unlovable
when the mother allows a man to verbally, emotionally, and/or physically
abuse her. The mother is a role model to her daughter and she is
indirectly teaching her how to allow men to treat her in a relationship.
Additionally, in many homes riddled with domestic violence, the man may
also abuse the children. When children do not feel protected, safe,
loved, and respected by their caregivers they have difficulty developing
healthy relationships with other people throughout their lives.
2. Mothers who are Promiscuous
Women
raised in homes with mothers perceived as being promiscuous may find it
challenging to trust other women due to the double standard regarding
male and female sexuality. Women and men alike are more likely to judge
critically the women's role in having an affair with a married man than
blaming the husband for cheating. People learn to see themselves through
the eyes of other people. Little girls see themselves as reflections of
their mother, if people view their mother as being a whore, slut, or
tramp-the daughter begins to identify with this persona-even if it's
incorrect. In turn, this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. She would
rather be the man-stealing woman who is the predator-- than the supposed
unattractive, angry, victim-woman at home who couldn't keep her man
faithful. Both are negative personas of femininity and womanhood that
make it difficult for women to establish loving and supportive
relationships with each other.
3. Mothers who Fail to Protect their Daughters from Sexual Predators
Little
girls who are molested or sexually abused by family members,
step-fathers, biological fathers, boyfriends, or close family members
and neighbors have a tendency to blame their mothers for failing to
protect them from the abuser. Even if it's not the mother's fault-and
she is not aware that her child is being sexually abused-- many children
still feel that their mothers failed to recognize behavior changes that
indicated some type of trauma had taken place.
Women are expected
to see the unseen and know the unknowable. And when they fall to
recognize the pain, shame, and fear hidden behind their children's eyes,
buried underneath their souls-society's psychologists, therapists, and
counselors first question is: "Did you tell your mother?" The question
is loaded with accusatory implications of: if your mother doesn't know
was she such a "bad mother" that you couldn't tell her? Your
relationship with your mother still comes into question as contributing
to your emotional health and overall wellbeing.
4. Mothers who have Negative for Poor Body Image
Mothers,
who hate their bodies, have negative or poor body image, or who are
obsessed with looking youthful tend to have daughters who learn to feel
the exact same way about their bodies. Children learn to love themselves
through their parent's eyes. If a mother doesn't like her nose, and her
daughter feels that she has the same nose as her mother-the little girl
learns from her mother that something is wrong with her nose as well.
That she is not beautiful-not good enough--unless she changes her nose.
Spiritual
growth plays out through the human DNA. For example, if a mother hates
her body size and has cosmetic surgery to alter her appearance-her DNA
code may still express itself through her daughter. What will she say to
her daughter who is trying diet after diet-- but continues to fail to
be a size that she was never born to be? The love or hate that we feel
about ourselves is boldly displayed through our children.
Even if
our children are not born from our bodies they still carry the DNA from
their mother's souls. The way their mothers look into their eyes, cuddle
with them, caress them, kiss them, feed them, take care of them, read
to them, tell them how much they love them or not-this is what encodes
children's internal behavior for self-love, self-worth, and self-esteem.
5. Mothers who are Flirtatious
Mothers
who are flirtatious with their daughter's boyfriends, father's friends,
or who seem to thrive on being the center of male attention sometimes
cause young women to believe that they are unworthy, unimportant, and
invisible unless their self-worth is validated by a man. The daughters
learn to objectify themselves and see their own self-worth, self-esteem,
and feminine-value by how much attention is "paid" to her by men.
6. Mothers who are Competitive with and Jealous of their Daughters
Some
mothers display behaviors that may indicate that they are jealous and
envious of their daughter's youth and beauty. Girls who grow up in homes
with mothers who are competitive with their daughters by wearing the
same clothes, makeup, i.e. fashion in general; who brag about being a
smaller size, or try to dress and act like a teenager instead of an
adult woman-- raise daughters who feel insecure about their femininity
and physical beauty.
7. Mothers who are Emotionally Distant and Non-Affectionate
Mothers
who withhold affection, who are emotionally distant or critical tend to
raise daughters who struggle with relationships with female authority
figures. They will find themselves being people-pleasers; subconsciously
seeking the approval of their nothing is ever-good-enough mothers.
Women who hate women in this category have the most problematic
relationship with other women because they love and hate their mothers
equally. These mothers tend to be perfectionists who demand that their
daughters chew with their mouths closed; never spill ketchup on their
dress; and always sit with their legs closed. The perfectionist mother
gives her daughter everything that she needs financially and
physically--the only thing that she is incapable of giving her daughter
is unconditional love and acceptance.
8. Mothers who did not get along with their own Mothers
Mothers
who have tumultuous relationships with their own mothers have a
tendency to have antagonistic relationships with their daughters. If the
mother was not raised in a family where she was taught how to get along
with other women-this may simply be a social skill that she is lacking.
In some families, women refer to each other as bitches and other
derogatory names. They physically abuse each other... slapping, biting,
pulling hair. Wear each other's clothes and shoes without permission.
All of these behaviors are perceived as being "normal". They have been
conditioned to believe that this is just how women are supposed to get
along.
When women have daughters this is when the universe is
giving them an opportunity to reassess what it means to be a woman-- to
be a part of a sisterhood that has been oppressed for centuries. They
are being asked to take stock of the assets and liabilities of the
paradigm of womanhood and femininity for the next generation of girls.
Mothers need to look deep within their souls and ask themselves the tough questions:
-
What changes can I make in myself that will give my daughter(s) opportunities that I never had?
-
In what ways have I not truly loved and respected myself that may be reflected back to me through the eyes of my little girl?
-
What did I love about the relationships with the women in my family?
-
What do I hate about the relationship with the women in my family?
Their relationship with their mother could be strained
for any of the reasons mentioned in this article or various other
reasons. But the most important reason is that the mother lacks a role
model of what healthy relationships look like between women.
9. Mothers who put their Daughters up for Adoption
Women
who were placed for adoption tend to resent their mothers but not their
fathers. I had a client who was adopted tell me; "How can I expect
anyone else in this world to love me if the woman who carried me inside
of her body for nine months, pushed me out of her vagina--looked at me
as an innocent newborn baby-and still decide that she did not love or
want me." She sobbed for 10 minutes or more after saying this. Her pain
made my heart ache.
The biological responsibility that Mother
Nature has given to women to protect, nurture, and raise the human soul
is a spiritual mission that many women in modern society have abandoned.
10. The Mainstream Media discourage Mothers and Daughter from getting along.
Sometimes
the mainstream media portray teenage daughters and middle-aged mothers
as natural enemies-one is emerging into her "idealistic portrayal" of
fertility and mainstream beauty and the other exiting. There are many
mothers and daughters who are very close who describe their
relationships as being "abnormal" because middle-aged women and teenage
girls are not supposed to get along.
Some women are just playing
out an indirect expected social pattern of behavior that they believe is
normal. However, once they get together and really communicate, many
mothers and daughters learn that they have more in common with each
other than not in common. And they truly enjoy each other's company.
Sometimes
we forget the social media thrives on conflict. Movies and televisions
shows will be boring without antagonists. Advertisers need women to feel
unbeautiful and old in order to sell makeup, fashion, and hair care
products. Women are being conditioned to believe that they are in
competition with each other-mothers against daughters, sisters against
sisters- and so forth.
Imagine this:
Through
the beginning of human history billions of women have been hurt,
beaten, beheaded, raped, shunned, molested, abused, over-looked, denied
opportunities, oppressed, put-down, unloved, and unappreciated for you
to exist in this very moment in time.
No matter what her race,
nationality, creed, or religion is silently thank her and give her the
voice she never had. You are the breathing reality of her dream. You are
her little girl that she wanted to keep safe-but couldn't. You are her
sister who has bravely carried the torch of humanity from the trenches
of male domination and oppression through the womb of hope, faith, and
grace.
Honor her by promising to salute silently the divine
goddess in every woman you meet. In your own way, send her love, light,
and forgiveness. Acknowledge the oneness in all women around the world.
Honor, cherish, and celebrate the collective sisterhood of humanity.
Keep it simple. Keep it honest. Keep it authentic.
